Ultimate guide to Super Bowl XLVIII 3:00

It's a web of confusing moments, obscure laws and weird jargon, all of which combine to stop you from understanding what's really going on.

Enough of that. As Seattle and Denver face off today, you are going to know what is happening, because we're going to run you through the basics of this year's Super Bowl right now.

DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FOOTBALL? YOU SHOULD READ THIS

Consider taking notes, because this will get messy ... much like a game of gridiron.

OK, FIRST THINGS FIRST. WHY IS THE SPORT CALLED GRIDIRON?

The name 'gridiron' comes from the markings on the field, but it's really only used outside the United States. Americans just call it football.

WHO'S PLAYING TODAY?

The Seattle Seahawks are playing the Denver Broncos. Seattle has never won the Super Bowl, so if you're looking to back an underdog today, they're the better choice. Denver already has two NFL titles to its name.

HOW LONG IS THE GAME?

Gridiron matches are divided into four 15-minute quarters, which add up to an hour of play. That doesn't sound like much, but there are a LOT of stoppages, and most NFL matches actually last about three hours. This one should take even longer.

WHY ARE THEY WEARING THE SUITS FROM STARSHIP TROOPERS?

For the same reason that practically every player is built like a stack of bricks. They're going to spend the whole match smashing into each other, and they'd rather not die on the job.

WHO IS THIS MANNING GUY THEY KEEP MENTIONING?

Peyton Manning is Denver's quarterback. Think of him as the team's general. Manning was just named the NFL's most valuable player for the fifth time, which is particularly remarkable because the 37-year-old suffered 'career-ending' neck injuries a few seasons ago. He travelled to Europe for stem cell therapy, and now he's back to crush the hopes and dreams of Seattle fans.

WAIT, IS HE THROWING THE BALL FORWARDS?

You bet he is. That's legal in this sport. But the ball can only be thrown forwards once per play, and only from behind the line of scrimmage.

THE LINE OF WHAT?

The line of scrimmage is the starting point for every play. The two teams stand on opposite sides of the invisible line, and can't cross it until the play starts.

HOW MUCH DOES A SUPER BOWL AD COST?

A 30-second spot costs four million US dollars this year. Do the maths, and that's $130,000 per second. That might seem a bit pricey, but with 110 million people watching, companies are more than willing to stump up the cash.

Here are this year's best Super Bowl ads. You're welcome.

ONE OF THE PLAYERS KEEPS EATING SKITTLES. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

Seattle player Marshawn Lynch is famous for munching on Skittles during matches. His mother Delisa has explained the weird practice.

'When Marshawn was 12 or 13, we'd go to his games and I'd always have little candies in my purse,' she said. 'Before the game, I would say, 'Here Marshawn, come and get your power pellets'.

'I would give him a handful of Skittles and say, 'Eat 'em up, baby. They're going to make you run fast and they're going to make you play good'.'

There you go. Sports science at its best.

ANY OTHER EXTRAORDINARY PLAYERS I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?

Now that you mention it, Seahawks fullback Derrick Coleman is deaf. He'll be playing with hearing aids in both ears. How awesome is that?

HOW MANY CHICKEN WINGS WILL AMERICANS EAT TODAY?

We're so glad you asked. According to the National Chicken Council, Americans will demolish about 1.25 billion chicken wings today. The Super Bowl is not a nutritious occasion.

WHY ARE THEY ALL TALKING ABOUT YARDS INSTEAD OF METRES?

Because they're Americans and they have to be different.

IS THE REFEREEING DIFFERENT TOO?

Yes. If the referees decide to penalise either team, they announce the reason for the penalty through the stadium's loudspeaker. Nifty, right?

On top of that, coaches are allowed to challenge calls they disagree with - they have two challenges per game.

WHY DOES THE FIELD LOOK WEIRD?

That isn't real grass on the field, it's artificial turf made of synthetic fibres. Yeah, we don't like it much either.

ARE GRIDIRON TACKLES THE SAME AS OUR FOOTY TACKLES?

No. A gridiron tackle is complete when one of a player's knees touches the ground. Anything that happens after that doesn't matter, because the play is already over.

OK. HOW MANY TACKLES DO THEY GET?

There are four 'downs' per possession. If the team can advance 10 yards downfield, it gets to 'restart the tackle count' (that point on the field is marked by a yellow line). Otherwise, the ball is usually kicked away to earn better field position, or kicked through the goalposts to earn points.

AH YES, POINTS. HOW DO THEY SCORE?

There are two ways to score in gridiron.

* Kick the ball through the goalposts at the end of the field. This is called a field goal, and it's worth three points;

* Get the ball over the opposition's goal line to score a touchdown, which is worth six points. The ball doesn't have to be grounded, because this isn't rugby, but if someone is catching it in-goal, both of their feet have to hit the turf.

After scoring a touchdown, a team can choose to kick the ball through the posts for one point or go for another touchdown, in one play, from two yards out. The second option is worth two points.

WHICH FUNNY WORDS DO I NEED TO KNOW?

Memorise these terms and you should be fine.

* Fumble - When a player drops the ball, it's called a fumble. If the defensive team picks up a fumbled ball, it wins possession;

* Interception - A pass that is cleanly caught by a defensive player. Again, this earns the defending team possession;

* Sack - When the quarterback is tackled behind the line of scrimmage, it's called a sack. The attacking team has to move back to where he was tackled;

* Safety - A safety happens when a player is tackled in his own end zone. The defence is awarded two points ... but this is extremely rare;

* End zone - The equivalent of rugby's in-goal area;

* Snap - When the ball is thrown to the quarterback or kicker to start a play, they call it a snap, because the word 'throw' isn't fun enough.

WHAT IF I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THAT NONSENSE?

The Super Bowl isn't just a sporting event. There's probably even more hype around the half-time show, which will feature singer Bruno Mars this year.

Here are some great Super Bowl moments that had absolutely nothing to do with football.

Bruno will have to be in good form if he wants to trump Beyonce's 2013 performance.

WHY DO THE PLAYERS CELEBRATE SO OBNOXIOUSLY?

Because they can. It's a flamboyant sport.

SPEAKING OF THE PLAYERS ... WHY ARE THERE SOOOO MANY?

The players from each side are actually split into two separate teams. One team attacks when they have the ball, and the other defends when they don't.

Everyone plays in a specific position, which inevitably comes with a long, complicated job description. We'll try (and fail) to keep it simple.

Attack

* Quarterback - The extremely famous guy who calls the plays and throws the ball;

* Running back - The guy who runs the ball;

* Fullback - The guy who blocks for the running back;

* Wide receiver - The guy who sprints downfield and tries to catch the ball;

* Tight end - The guy who displays epic multi-tasking skills by blocking players and receiving the ball;

* Centre - The guy who starts the play by 'snapping' the ball to the quarterback;

* Offensive guard - The guy who blocks defenders to protect the quarterback;

* Offensive tackle - The guy who also blocks defenders, but stands wider in the attacking line than a guard.

Defence

* Cornerback - The guy who chases the wide receiver, blocking any passes that come from the quarterback;

* Safety - The guy who acts as the last line of defence;

* Linebacker - The guy who defends against both runs and passes, because his skills are EPIC;

* Defensive tackle - The guy who tackles runners and tries to put pressure on the quarterback;

* Defensive end - The guy who stands wider in the defensive line and tries to reach the quarterback. He can also can try to push a ball carrier out of bounds.

Some other guys

* Kicker - The guy who handles kick-offs and field goal attempts;

* Punter - The guy who drops the ball from his hand and kicks it downfield;

* Returner - The guy who catches the ball after it has been kicked and runs it back at the other team.

Confused yet? That's not surprising. It's a really, really complicated sport. But at the very least, we should all be able to read the scoreboard at full-time.

We'll have live coverage of the Super Bowl throughout the game. Don't miss it!