Seth Meyers' best jokes from the 2014 Emmys
'NBC decided to hold the Emmys a month earlier, in August,' began host Seth Meyers, about a third of the way through his show-top monologue, 'to avoid conflicting with Sunday Night Football. Which is keeping with the actors' tradition of running away from jocks.'
Then he continued, aptly, 'Jokes are like nominees: They can't all be winners.'
That's certainly true, though Meyers had a fine enough success rate during his opening set. These were the best lines of the lot.
This year we're doing the Emmys on a Monday night in August-which if I understand television means the Emmys are about to get cancelled.
We're doing the show on Monday in part because the MTV Music Awards were last night. That's right: MTV still has an awards show for music videos even though they no longer show music videos. That's like network TV holding an awards show and giving all the trophies to cable and Netflix. That would be crazy.
We had so many great shows submitted this year. We had comedies that made you laugh, and comedies that made you cry ... because they were dramas submitted as comedies.
I have to say, the Emmys are my favorite awards show. Sure, the Golden Globes has alcohol, but everybody's always talking and moving around. Here, everyone sits silently in one place and waits for the pills to kick in. Tonight, we are all Crazy Eyes.
Congratulations to HBO. They have 99 nominations tonight, the most of any network. Not to be outdone, NBC is also a network.
I gotta say: HBO is like the kid you grew up with who ended up doing way better than you expected. 99 nominations. When I first met HBO, all he had was Grease 2 and Fraggle Rock. I wish I was nicer to him:
'You guys want to watch Poltergeist?' 'We watched it yesterday, HBO. How many times do you think people want to watch the same movie?' 'One day I'm going to make a show about dragons.' 'Ok, buddy, best of luck.'
Congratulations to Game of Thrones, nominated for 19 Emmys, including Best Drama, Best Supporting Actor, and Worst Job Security. If you're an actor on Game of Thrones I bet you wait for next week's script the way most people wait for biopsy results. 'I think you better sit down: Your character has been invited to a wedding.'
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